Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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