Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
