The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize