Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
