If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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