Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
