LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
