why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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