I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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