If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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