I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
