One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
