I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
