apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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