Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
