I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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