watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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