I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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