matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
