Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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