i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
