I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
