i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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