why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
