He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
