Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
