We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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