Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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