tell your sister to shave her snatch
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
