there's paper in my vomit.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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