I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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