I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't deserve a penis
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize