I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sarcasm needs its own font
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
