I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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