chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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