Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
