Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
