I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
