Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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