I'm going to jail i love you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
