I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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