Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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