Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
