do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
