So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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