Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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