I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Holy sore nipples Batman
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
