I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think people are normalizing furries
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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