I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
