pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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