My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
