its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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