I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm getting married
To pizza
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
