literally had 100 drinks last night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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