the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
