I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
