he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
