The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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