You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize