between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
