My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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