my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she woke up with a sticky ear
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
