apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
