I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
