The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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