I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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