this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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